"I am like a robot, I just do it."

All right, wait, before anyone freaks out, this is a very luxurious FAUX FUR coat that I got at the Salvation Army for $25.  I couldn't pass it up, and I have never actually OWNED anything like it so honestly I have no idea if this is working out for me.  I tried my trusty green one to see if that worked better, but the fur one is so soft and warm and cozy.  Looking at the pictures, I think, well I am not sure what I am going to do yet, but anyway I also got this jumpsuit in the same trip and had almost gotten one at UO when I bought this belt, but refrained due to the price tag, and now I am so happy I didn't! I was so excited that I styled it up for summer too!  I am not sure which I like better actually!  I have been pretty interested in the proportion of the flouncy pant in boots thing, and It feels wonderful to wear, so, ya.  Cool beans.

What are you guys thinking about the loose pants tucked into boots trend?  Have you seen any other examples anywhere because I would like to see more of it.  Oh and I am planning an outdoor shoot this weekend when I will have more time!  I have been fantasizing about it all week so I hope it works out!

Thanks for all of your feedback and for the few of you that added your opinion about my Robot Pose, trust me,  I am TRYING!  I just have my way and even when I THINK I am doing a different face and pose, it really just looks like more of the same! And could anyone guess what movie my title Quote is from?

full circle

This outfit is an example of how everything is cyclical and how karmatic circles work in my life.  First, it all starts with these shorts.  My very first Etsy purchase ever and from Kristen at Leproust Vintage.  I found Leproust surfing around the vintage stuff on etsy and had to have these shorts.  They actually have a high waist and belt loops and are so perfect and fun.  At the time of purchase she asked me to send a picture of me in the shorts and said that she would post it on her blog, which I did, and she did and the start of something amazing blossomed.  It’s a long story, but recently she had some obstacles in her life, and I was prompted by another blogger to contribute to a care package for her.  I sent her a cream colored sweater that had a beautiful crocheted neckline that I knew she would love.   Beautifully, the thrift goddesses rewarded me by sending me this sweater, with proportions I love even more and a crocheted neckline that falls to one side, which suits my tastes just fine! Coming full circle, I LOVE this sweater with my Leproust Shorts! Give and get, that’s how it works.  Let things go without regret and you will receive what you need in this life (not like I NEEDED a sweater but still a super cool example of a very true phenomenon).  I have been feeling this great cycle even stronger recently and I have to say, wow.  

The arch of emotion

First, I would like to thank you all for the enormous amount of support you gave me yesterday.  I learned so much from all of you.  I am in the process of sending out some personal notes thanking you all individually but, please forgive me if I include a couple of excerpts from some of the emails I have sent already that explain the overwhelming arch of how I feel:

{I had an interesting conversation with a relative stranger over the break about my blog and honesty. A very wise gentleman who had never seen my blog. He said that the reason people blog is because they have somthing to say, (and I should just say it, be myself, tell the truth.) My yoga instrutor tells me I have a block in my throat chakra and need to speak my truth because it may be causing so many of my throat illnesses.}


{ I cried a lot yesterday, but genuine acts of kindness and encouragement brought of a completely different well of tears!  I couldn't believe a relative stranger wanted to help me.  The generosity, thoughtfulness, the action of your gesture, just blew me away!  I am so silly.  I never thought that being a good friend meant opening yourself up to allowing help.  do you get that?  I always thought I had to be strong to help my friends but never let them in on my struggles to allow them to help me.  I have NEVER been moved and awed this way before, from all of the support yesterday and the and the hearts of people who don't owe me the time of day! I can't believe after 30 years I am just barely discovering this.}


{I am still a little in awe at everything that happened.  I have never received encouragement and support like that (I have never asked before choosing to trudge on through it alone, silent and proud, didn't really work out too well) I never realized that ASKING for help, or opening my self up for it was the best thing I could ever do.}


I have some appointments today and was away from my computer for most of yesterday but I want each of you to know how much your comments helped me in more ways than you could ever know. 


As a very small side note, I would like to call attention to this miracle skirt I found at the Salvation Army!!  It was a below the knee pencil skirt in not a very flattering width so I hemmed that little lovely and now I think it is my most favoritest skirt EVER!!  Seeing the pictures I will probably trade the leopard belt for a braided leather one before I leave, BUT I am so incredibly stoked about this!  I feel much more HARDY today (if that makes sense) and ready to take things head on!  I feel like I have more support than the Eiffel Tower! All thanks to you!  

um, ya.

I discovered something disturbing that reminded me of something I thought I was done thinking about at like 10:30 last night and went to bed a huge ball of anxiety.  I tossed and turned and ran things over in my head over and over.  (Was I in the wrong?  No.  Well maybe?  Well depends on what you mean by WRONG?) I think it was way past midnight when I finally fell asleep and then I slept lightly, dreaming like fever dreams, of my house that I grew up in which had like 9 doors in it that were never locked. In my dream I was running around the house trying to lock the doors but I kept remembering that there were more that were not locked and I was feeling very vulnerable and like someone could break in any time but I knew that They wouldn't even have to break in they could just silently slip in since we didn't keep screens on our billions of windows either.  I remember when I was little the ONE time all the doors just happened to be locked, my sister and I (we never had a house key) just pushed a window open and slid in.  Oh man.  Then this morning when my alarm went off at 6:00 I was so relieved to wake up.  I feel like during the day you can distract yourself by doing dishes and playing music really loud and cleaning and singing, but at night there is nothing but the mind and subconscious reminding you that you are not as chill as you would like to think you are.

My point.  I am not as put together as you may or may not think I am.  This resolution thing, while some letters may be easy and happy, is freaking me out.  My heart is beating so hard right now just thinking of the next card I might draw.  I am freaking out right now.  I need to do some yoga and have some tea. And play some music and dress up and do my dishes and go to the post office and keep blogging and leave comments and fold laundry and maybe put a movie on too.  Shit.  I think I am going to throw up.  get it together.  get it together.  ya. Sorry.  this is my space to do this.  sorry.

{EDIT:  I did some yoga till I sweat out of my ears, bawled my eyes out. pulled it together.  read your comments and am bawling my eyes out again.  seriously thank you.  the thing I have discovered is that there are things I am really good at, like clothes and makeup, but I am crap at people.  IT IS SO TEMPTING to ditch the project, but if I am ever going to be a good friend to ANYONE, I have to do this.  I am sorry to get so serious but in yoga there are these postures I love and are easy for me and I want to just do those, but my instructor tells me that while it feels good to do the greatest hits all the time, the hard postures like dolphin and camel that I HATE are the ones my body truly needs.  so I cry and piss and moan.  but if I don't do them I am doing myself a grave injustice.  this blog has been the perfect outlet for my greatest hits.  Today I am pissing and moaning.  tomorrow, who knows.  thanks for bearing with me.}

In a more daring life

In a more daring life I would be a burlesque dancer!  I have ALWAYS wanted to be one but never ever would have the guts to do it.  Not like a naked dancer, but burlesque, where most of the allure is in barely uncovering not too revealing undergarments. Making eye contact, flirting while dancing. Impractical getups that are a cross between pinup and a cancan dancer.  I by the way LOVED Moulin Rouge SO much and own it and have watched it a gazillion times.  I am in no way close to being a Burlesque dancer in real life.  I am pretty goofy and clumsy and when I try to be sexy I just start laughing.  It feels sort of absurd to me!  ALL THAT SAID,  This lace thing makes me feel like I could do anything.  Its like a magic cloak or something!! I know its a bit risque to show so much skin here, but for some reason, I just don't freaking care.  I am wearing this outfit as I type this and still feel like, eh whatever.  Like all I need is a cigarette (I don't smoke) and a glass of Champaign and I have my own personal party while everyone is at school and work.  And this is at like 9:30 in the morning!  Sweet Lace thingy.  MAGICAL!

I may regret all of this when I put real clothes on, but TODAY I am celebrating being alone at last after TWO AND A HALF freaking weeks with EVERYBODY.  Oh, I did a photo shoot of some new things I am pretty sure are going to the etsy store.  I have an intense love for the sailor shirt dress but the rest is pretty safely going to make it!

5ifty 2

I sort of like failure.  Not like LIKE in the sense that I go looking for it, but in the way that, well, when it happens, I know I can learn something from it.  It makes me reevaluate my strategies for success and amp up my game, OR reexamine my priorities and realign my ego with humility.  I am not going to say much more about this except that sometimes failing to accomplish a blinding and ambitious goal can be the best thing for me.  Why did I even want it anyway?  Things are much the same having not accomplished it.  Did I think something magical would happen if I got it?  No.  What would have happened to my character if I had indeed gotten it after wanting it so bad? Big question.  Am I going to dedicate as many thoughts and actions to reaching it again?  No.  Why?  Because having failed has taught me that the goal was not that important after all.  I still feel like me.  Maybe even a wiser version of me.  Failure . . . welcome.

One thing I DEFINITELY refuse to fail is my new years resolution, so, at the prompting of the lovely ladies at Musing Around (who said I might want to photo copy my letters as a sort of record or diary) I have started a new blog just for that called  5ifty 2.  I don't expect everyone to go over and read all my letters or anything, I just wanted to formalize my commitment and hold myself accountable.  I have already pulled my first card and will be posting the letter before Friday. 

Oh, regarding my outfit, Some days I like the way it turns out more than others and today was GOOD day!  I also wanted to show you this lace thingy I got recently at the Salvation Army!  You will be seeing much more of it in the coming weeks!! I think its my most favorite thing right now!

social loose ends

I don't know why I don't wear this sweater more.  I found it in the weird section of the Goodwill where they bunch bathing suits and coverups, and kitted ponchos with other miscellaneous things.  Its hand knitted I am pretty sure and maybe the maker didn't think the proportions were right or something, but I think it is 100% spot on perfection!  Its my fantasy sweater incarnate! Perfect over a fitted silhouette, or with a slouchy tee shirt and jeans.  and it is so warm.  I can't believe this is the first time I have worn it this winter!

As far as new years resolutions go, I know what I am going to do.  I have a bunch of social loose ends.  Friends I have failed to communicate with, grandmas I need to update, people I failed to send christmas cards to (everyone this year) Cousins who's weddings I missed, the list goes on and on.  And I painfully remember each person I have failed.  and it eats me up inside.  SO, 52 weeks in a year, 52 cards in a deck, 52 letters to write, BY HAND.  I am going to write the names of 52 people who need a letter on a playing card from a deck, shuffle the deck each week, and hand write and send that person a letter.  Trust me, this is something I have been NEEDING to do.  For some people for YEARS, maybe Decades.  There are probably more than 52 people even.  this is the hardest thing i have ever chosen for myself.  i just have to let go of the weight.

yesterday

Yesterday I got outside to take a few pictures with my tripod.  All the snow has melted and now it is just very muddy, but I have these old fallen trees that we dragged over from the river and have wanted to do a little shoot by them for a while.

After reading all of your comments regarding my "robot pose"  or more elegantly put "Human Mannequin"  (I like that one So much actually!)  I have decided that my indoor pictures work exactly how I would like them to.  I find that if I look at the camera, inadvertently I am engaging the viewer by looking at them, which is not my intention.  As many of you stated, when I look away and pose just so, my pictures are all about the clothes and not about me.  I would, however like to get an outdoor shoot at least one time a week since I think I will break up the monotony a bit.  The unfortunate part of outdoor shoots is that you really can't see the details of this outfit very well.  Give and take I guess.

I hope everyone had a very fun and safe evening last night!!  Happy 2010!  I am so happy to be here!