past horizon

This long fringe jacket was given to me by a person I never talk about. For a time we were inseparable. I started my first blog with this girl. She knew my aesthetic ideal better than I did. She bought me boots in my size when she found them, coats, sweaters, dresses.  I knew her visual desires as well, bought her things all the time, and the best thing about the two of us was that we were drawn to very similar things on the exact opposite ends of the color wheel. While I lusted over browns and rusts and muddy oranges (foreground colors) she couldn't get enough of pastels in purple, pink, peach, mint, sage (all the distant horizon colors) so we were never in competition (we were also different shoe sizes.)  About a year ago, we had a terrible misunderstanding. This is an understatement.  We dissolved our blog (she deleted all of her entries), and I began thinking about starting this one. Its been almost a year since we have spoken to each other.  OF COURSE I decided to wear this today to my acupuncture apt, and COINCIDENTALLY there was road construction on my usual route so I had to take another that MYSTERIOUSLY lead me right past her house. I didn't see her, but I could tell she was there. I almost stopped by, but I didn't.  Instead I went home and slept. I still find things for her when I am shopping. I did last weekend. Tossed it in the pile of "her" things. I think one day I will just put them all in a bag and anonymously drop them at her doorstep.  I feel guilty about my lack of communication skills back then. I wish I could tell her I am different now, how I have changed, that I feel like a different, better person a year later. I just wish I could give her amnesia so she could forget she ever met me, then meet her again next week.  That is impossible. But I wish it could happen.

Rust fringe jacket: gift
Shorts: vintage jordache
boots: vintage Frye
body suit: UO


Unknown said...

Okay this may be over stepping the line, but I think you should try to resolve things. Time doesn't heal all wounds and this wound still seems a little bloody for you. Whether its a letter or a gift or even you dropping by to say that you still think about her and the friendship you shared would not only be good for you but I'm sure she would appreciate it. Unless she's a fembot with machine gun jubblies.

I had friends years ago that we did not leave on good terms at all, and slowly we have inched our ways back into eachothers lives.

Anonymous said...

Christina, I don't know if it's your writing style or just the fact that you have great stories, but I feel like I'm reading a book. Every blog post is like a new page in the book.
And I just can't get enough!
I hope you can resolve things with your friend. I think if that's what's meant to be, it will be.

Ana said...

Let me start by saying you look AMAZING. That fringed jacket + those boots = perfection.

I have to say though, I think it's never too late to reach out to an old friend and try to patch things up. Maybe it's better to try and fail than never try and wonder. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

If you want your friend back, be the bigger person--make the first move, and then let the chips fall where they may. If she's truly a friend, all will be forgotten. If not, then it's her loss.

Love your boots!

Unknown said...

oh, those little strings that we try so hard to disconnect from our hearts that are connected to others, leaving us with piles of loose ends. it doesn't hurt to try and re-knot them together, you never know, she may be thinking the same thing.

(sorry for the, ahem, unwanted, unasked for advice. situations like these just pull on my heart)

(p.s i love the 2nd photo, the jacket kind of looks like a cape.)

melissa rose said...

This exact same thing happened to me... minus the blog. My best friend of YEARS and I had a disagreement over the most minor of things, and had I been more mature at the time it would have resolved itself overnight.
This past summer I decided to call her up... while things will never be the exact same, we're amicable and hang out on occasion. I didn't realise how much I missed her unti lwe came face to face again.
Extending the olive branch isn't always easy, but if you're willing to acknowledge your faults and her hers, good things can happen.
I wouldn't dismiss the idea totally.

Anonymous said...

I have someone like that too.

Maybe when you drop off the gifts, leave a little note like "Sorry" or "Thinking of you." Something to give you peace.

Also, I love that bodysuit.

Dirty Hair Halo said...

OMG on your fringey jacket.

OMG, Christina!!!

You know, if I had the opportunity to play inside your closet I might have an overecstatic meltdown. I'd like faint and shit myself.

For reals.

Still silently loving what you do everyday, even though I'm not much of a commenter these days.

XO. Shannon.

Anonymous said...

By buying her things your still clinging to her. If you really want her in your life again then drop off that bag with a simple note that says "things I've seen in the year that made me think of you" Friendship doesn't just end they are always in your thoughts if not your life. If nothing else comes out of this then you can say to yourself that you tried and you won't have to wonder about the "what ifs" and you can close this chapter in your life. Don't leave it open and don't hold onto that pile of "her" things in your life your only cluttering it.

Caroline said...

I agree with the others.
For all you know, she might want to fix things but is just as apprehensive as you. Who knows? Of course, I don't really know either of you, or the situation but it can't hurt to let her know you want to try to be friends again, I think. I hope it works out. :)

olive and love said...

I imagine you presenting her with your "offering."

I did that once. It didn't work. But I tried and I feel better because of it. My situation is of course completely different but I either way, I'm glad I gave it a shot.

Good luck. It will be a release off your shoulders you didn't even know you felt when you can forgive your past.

Thanks for sharing. LOVE your sweater. Can I borrow it? ;-)

Kendra said...

Oh goodness, you have no idea how much I relate to this story. I have this close, close friend that I haven't spoken to in weeks, and my heart hurts about it. I don't even know what happened. She blew off our plans time and time again and I finally just had enough and stopped going out of my way to make plans. And all of a sudden she was mad at ME! Like I had been the one blowing off plans. Then she just took my silence and turned it into this big disgusting mess, making nasty comments of face book, turning mutual friends against me. I decided I couldn't have someone like that in my life, and I cut all ties. But it hurts, and I am sure it will for a long time.

Thank you, for sharing

jennie going west said...

your entire outfit is sooo beautiful. sounded like you had an amazing friendship. i think everyone can say they've had a similar situation one way or another. i reached out to a former friend years later and she responded thoughtfully and with appreciation for my action. we don't talk still, but at least i know we're both forgiven and can hang out if we're ever in the same town again.

Unknown said...

things change over time, I think you should go out and talk to her. fix what can be fixed. I hate not being able to talk to people, or having to avoid them.
on another note, I am so drooling over the jacket. the color is absolutely stunning. I WANT it, I NEED it!!!

Haiku Ambulance said...

Your face in all of these pictures tells me that you have a secret.

You look so... I dunno... coquettish? Sly, coy, calm, flirtatious.

And the shorts. They almost look like velvet! I thought they were velvet, actually but then I realized they must be denim.

I think this is probably the absolute best fall-is-almost-here outfit I have seen. Even though technically, it is fall. But, whatever. It's an Indian Summer if I've ever seen one.

And I love your color similes. It makes a lot of sense to me on many levels. So for that, I thank you.


Unknown said...

i love that sweater!


Anonymous said...

sometimes I feel longing for friendships that weren't good for me...when I read your posts they are so familiar. I have a tendency to get really close to one person and love them with fierce loyalty, but because I've had weak boundaries in the past, there's usually been unresolved conflict. Not all relationships should be resurrected, but if it weighs on your heart, I'd knock on her door. Bring the clothes...even if she's not so excited to see you, gifts are disarming. btw...i love that sweater!

marGINAlly oriGINAl said...

Anonymous bag dropping? DO IT. She'd gather who was behind it, I'm guessing.

Do you tend to be a bridge burner? If you are, you don't seem very defensive about it, which is refreshing.

Kimberellie said...

My first thought on seeing your photos: Ooooo. Actually, I said it aloud. BEAUTIFUL cardigan. Truly truly beautiful.

And it looks like other people have been giving you advice. So I'll put my two cents in too ;-).

I don't know, relationships are tricky. At first I was tempted to say: CALL HER! Make up! Do! Then I realized I have had a falling out with a friend of mine that I don't necessarily want to repair... For me it's because she was angry at me for a period of time, acted all weird without telling me, and then told me after I asked what was up. This was over the span of almost a year. And though things are okay now between us, still. I wonder: what if she gets mad at me again and doesn't tell me for a year and I wonder why she is acting all weird? Do I want to hang out with someone like that?

I don't. I don't need that kind of drama.

So here's my real advice: some friendships are good for you. Some are bad. Having good boundaries is knowing the difference. If this person isn't in your life for a good reason: keep it that way. If it isn't for a good reason: maybe consider giving it another go. Who knows, maybe she misses you as much as you miss her.

And that's my two cents (and a quarter and a nickel and a dime).

lots of love: miss furnellie

Valérie said...

What a very nice outfit !!! Love it !
I think this is my first comment on your blog, but I read it almost everyday ! Your outfits are so amazing !

Val from Belgium

Anonymous said...

Love outfit + story. As always perect combo.

Anonymous said...

I have no advice about the lapsed friendship. But clearly, she knew what would look good on you. It's lovely.

Louise said...

I'll bet she might feel similarly-- you might be surprised! Humility goes a long, long, way. I know from experience, on both sides of the forgiveness spectrum.

You look Fantastic-- you remind me of a designer on Project Runway in this outfit!

sandyb said...

dearest christina, it's been a while since i've dropped a comment here, but i do check in when i can. that said, glad i did so today - i just wanted to share this: you never know who is reading your blog. it could even be your former who checks in, like i do, from time to time. if you manifest it (my dear, fellow yogi) you know you might just get your wish. friendship hurts sometimes, but only because it was worth feeling that deeply for that person in the first place.

best of luck,

Anna said...

I understand what you are saying, I lost a friend about two years ago and wonder if we could be friends again.I am not sure it could ever be what it once was, which was good and extremely difficult at many moments. So I still ponder. Needless to say that jacket is amazing!If you ever sell it I want first dibs :)xo

D'Andra said...

Cool outfit, Christina!

As for the estranged friendship, I have no idea what to tell you. I'm in the middle of something now with the girl who used to be my best friend. I hope that one day she and I can be in the same room without us both hurting. It's hard now because we work together.

Good luck. I hope that you find peace.

lori shackleton said...

I have posted comments a few times here but am not a regular....a regular reader though. After reading todays post and then this one from yesterday I believe I wanted to share.
I recognize you don't need validation from a stranger but just wanted to throw my 2 cents in and let you know I think you are an amazing women. your maturity and introspection is apparent. You have lived life and learned from it. I think that is all anyone can hope for, strive for even. I don't necessarily believe in reconnecting with this friend of yours. We meet people in our lives that help us grow, allow us to look at ourselves, perhaps change who we are. Sometimes this gets ugly and messy and we need to move forward. It doesn't make that connection any less valuable or important in our lives but it has run the course of time and there is no going back.
anyway, have a wonderful day and congratulations on all the good that came to you yesterday!

Rachael said...

This is such an outrageously cool outfit. It's so much more than fashion, it's art! I especially love the 2nd and last picture.
And I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I'm in a similar situation myself. Recently, I keep dreaming of her but when I wake up, I know that ship has sailed.

Kristin Hassan said...

i wish you luck with whichever road you chose to go... but i do want to say that i love visiting - every time i login to read your blog i feel like i'm reading more of a really great book with really great pictures!


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