- I had to identify my discontent with my current situation and understand WHY I was feeling so discontented. THE ANSWER: While I love blogging, the clothes and style and "meeting" people online and talking about bigger issues sometimes and all that the internet allows me, IT DOES NOT give me any face time with these wonderful people I meet. I read comments and visit blogs and feel like all of this is just empty shadows. So difficult it is to make TRUE connections and even when one is established those feel tortured and frustrating for me, and quite simply heart breaking since I feel I can never REALLY know you and you can never REALLY know me unless we are in each other's presence. Through all of my introspectiveness, looking back on my cycles and past endeavors, the things I truly crave and value are face to face relationships. An hour over tea, or talking about a great book together, talking "IRL", a REAL energetic exchange. Working with women in real life is something that I know I want to do. It won't necessarily replace the friendships I have established online, but it will fulfill the need for human contact that I feel is lacking, specifically with women.
- I had to identify the source of my self doubt and self sabotaging drives. I have wanted to do something like this for a really long time but somewhere inside I worried that I was not good enough. That I would give up if things got difficult and that my investment into starting a business would be lost. NOT THAT I WOULD FAIL, but that I would just give up and flake when things are going well (as I have so many times before). I was (am) actually afraid to succeed. I do not fret about no one calling me, In fact I have a list of people lined up and waiting for me to go live with it (and that scared (s) the hell out of me). I worry that I will over extend myself, promise more than I can physically deliver. This was (is) a biggie for me, and something I am consciously working on in my daily yoga classes. I didn't (don't) have faith in my physical abilities. Not that I am going to be running marathons with these women and lifting weights in their closets, but I have generally viewed myself as a physically weak person, easily tired and overwhelmed, unable to cope with stress and demands of predetermined obligations. Sounds pretty wimpy and pathetic right? Well it is, and I am not weak and I am not a wimp. I am gaining the confidence and building my strength.
- I had to identify my natural gifts and figure out how to best use them to help myself and others. While I may not have as much experience helping others to see their own unique personal style, I know what it feels like to have identified and feel comfortable in my own. My real skill though is in communication. And communicating delicate issues face to face is something I know I can do well. I feel confident that I can ask the right questions leading people to have realizations about themselves, even if it is on a sort of exterior level. I do believe that the path to thinking about what is inside, may start by looking at yourself on the outside in a new way. My experience with blogging has helped me understand many things about our external identity and how it effects our true internal identity. Using this understanding and my other gifts of communication and perhaps some layering tricks, I can make a positive impact on women and maybe even plant the seeds of self acceptance. A persons signature style is not based on fashion rules or trends or anything like that, it is what the person feels most true to self in. What a great way to start accepting that self.
- I have had to accept MY SELF. An important lesson and one I am still learning and will continue to learn as I move forward with this.
- I have had to understand what I value, how I measure success and what I consider to be failure. Important information when deciding to start a business.
Now, Its not like every person has to do this to start a business. A mean, self sabotaging part of me envisions some meanie out there reading this and thinking "Who the hell does this girl think she is? Why is she making such an enormous big deal out of this? So what! She is going to try to be a stylist. Big freaking whooptie doo. Glad I stayed on for that." And I have no idea if this meanie will really exist but if they do, whatever. I have been consciously trying to ignore that meanie in my head and I will do the same to any real life meanies. This is how I have decided to consciously move forward with this new endeavor and the process I have needed to go through. The next time I blog I will describe the services I will actually provide. I have been refining them over the past two weeks and would love to run them by you (not any potential meanies, but those of you who I really want to have tea and talk with.) Thank you for sticking by me and reading about my thing. The most heartbreaking thing is that I can't just tell you about all of this. You have to read it and my voice and the feeling is all lost.