27.9.10

nonverbal communication

I was thinking about something.

I sort of think the way we dress is like having a nonverbal conversation with everyone we come in contact with.

Would you sit in a room and speak aloud to yourself? Maybe, but likely you would seek an audience for your words.

So while I think, "I dress for myself" I am maybe nonverbally speaking aloud in a room full of people who have an opportunity to listen to me if they want to, but they either have to come to my house or visit me on the internet. This doesn't make any sense.

BLAAA.  Happy freaking Monday anyone.  My brain had a great point over the weekend but apparently it is gone now.


These Deep Thoughts have been brought to you by Sunday and the letter D.

{EDIT: This is what I am talking about!!  I am pretty sure I just want to sit in a room with a full teapot and some cucumber sandwiches and talk to this "Anonymous EM" all freaking day long. To be completely honest, I had two whole long paragraphs originally for this post where I went on about gender roles and how my motivations behind my decisions to wear certain shoes must say something about my nature or drives and I got all caught up on my temporary desire to create the illusion of longer legs (with platform heeled sandals) but decided to can it all since it was Monday and a bit too heavy. This comment makes me realize that Mondays are for fresh thoughts (for some people) and although I am still a bit incoherent and all over the place, it is refreshing to receive this comment from EM (especially after getting an earlier anonymous comment from a practical shoe hater, who I also suspect, from other comments he has left, also hates my bangs and likes my hair long and flowing. Hmmm. Too bad Anony.) SO THANK YOU EM. You made my day! I hope that a mutual friend does introduce us someday.}


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe the way we dress is like a (more or less) subtle display of who we are - or what we want to show of ourselves to the world.
Not precise as pheromones for animals - we can trick others whereas animals can't - but like a non verbal ID, yes.
If I like the way you dress when I see you first, especially if it is mutual, there is some sort of recognition that will come right away the next time I get to see you
and often, we will happen to share common interests if our dressing schemes are close (or at least the interest of looking different than a majority which brings us back to a shared interest for fashion ).
Then we might exchange smiles or have eye contact & surprisingly - or not - we might be introduced to each other soon after by a common friend!
We should never ignore these signals; most of the time they're not even conscious in people's minds & to me this is when they speak the truth about who they are; some master the "dressing psychology" according to who they hang out with and circumstances to show they belong or not, to trick others or just for fun.
Some will put together an eclectic style & will change "characters" from a day to another.My morning ritual starts with
"Who do I want to BE today"?
I use it for all, but mostly for fun and definitely belong to the second category.
I do believe we never only dress for ourselves: my look doesn't exist if not in the observer's eyes, does it?

I love fashion; it reveals so much about people & is a powerful,creative and ever evolving way of expression.

See, you're not the only one with these - not so pointless - thoughts!! ;)

Love your blog, am hooked.
Don't always like ALL of your clothes but totally get the coherence between your nature, your mood and your outfits.That's my definition of style.
Dig your writing too.

Thank you for this daily treat.

A bientôt,
Em

Sweater vest, belt, dress, beret, shoes: thirfted
Bracelet: gift from Mother-in-law

24 comments:

Swalvs said...

I understood nothing but I don't know it may be because my lack of understanding English... anyways, this communication technique gave me an outfit idea for tomorrow, thanks a lot!!! ;)

amanda said...

absolutely.

Alexandra said...

I get it :o) Or at least I hope I do since I'm getting my PhD in Communication, and y focus will be on fashion/gender performance (among other things)!

P.S. Love this outfit!

tomorrowneverknowsfashion said...

Makes sense. But it's Monday morning so lets just leave it at that, shall we?
You are lookin perdy as usual. Hope you have a nice day!

Anonymous said...

♥ everything in this outfit but the shoes. Yikes!

She is Sara said...

I love the shoes! I love the whole look, I just bought a mustard vest like this and now a want a polk-dot dress.... :)

Colourful Buttons said...

Love your look. It's chic.

Anonymous said...

I believe the way we dress is like a (more or less) subtle display of who we are - or what we want to show of ourselves to the world.
Not precise as pheromones for animals - we can trick others whereas animals can't - but like a non verbal ID, yes.
If I like the way you dress when I see you first, especially if it is mutual, there is some sort of recognition that will come right away the next time I get to see you
and often, we will happen to share common interests if our dressing schemes are close (or at least the interest of looking different than a majority which brings us back to a shared interest for fashion ).
Then we might exchange smiles or have eye contact & surprisingly - or not - we might be introduced to each other soon after by a common friend!
We should never ignore these signals; most of the time they're not even conscious in people's minds & to me this is when they speak the truth about who they are; some master the "dressing psychology" according to who they hang out with and circumstances to show they belong or not, to trick others or just for fun.
Some will put together an eclectic style & will change "characters" from a day to another.My morning ritual starts with
"Who do I want to BE today"?
I use it for all, but mostly for fun and definitely belong to the second category.
I do believe we never only dress for ourselves: my look doesn't exist if not in the observer's eyes, does it?

I love fashion; it reveals so much about people & is a powerful,creative and ever evolving way of expression.

See, you're not the only one with these - not so pointless - thoughts!! ;)

Love your blog, am hooked.
Don't always like ALL of your clothes but totally get the coherence between your nature, your mood and your outfits.That's my definition of style.
Dig your writing too.

Thank you for this daily treat.

A bientôt,
Em

Haiku Ambulance said...

I really hate to be a hater-hater, but there is something that completely rubs me the wrong way about a cowardly, impolite, anonymous comment.

YIKES, indeed.

If you don't have anything nice to say, fuck off. Or, at least show your face and man up. For christ sakes, seriously! It's beyond any sort of 'critique' or 'constructive criticism', it's just outright, blatant rudeness. A dig to make themselves feel better? Perhaps. Either way, it upsets me that someone comes to visit you, see the work you've done, what you are proud of- and they give you a backhanded compliment like that?

Couth, any one?????????

But annnnnnnyway, I think you look incredibly charming today. I love the color palate that you have created here, and my darling- there ain't nothin' wrong with practical shoes! Especially when they are practically perfect.

On another note- I have had very similar thoughts about fashion and the way we dress ourselves. I was interviewed over at Chictopia a while ago (but it was my first interview), and they asked me what style is? And I really had to sit and think about what that meant to me, and what I really, honestly feel about it. I love the comparison EM makes to pheromones- it's true! It's a non-verbal, extremely abbreviated way of saying, "Bam! This is me!" In a split second you could learn more about me then if I were to tell you about myself. Pretty awesome that we get to do that, as humans. You know? I mean, I bet Duncan would kill to be able to non-verbablly communicate his inner feelings.

Poor guy.

.Haiku

women's trends said...

I agree with you (and Anon EM). Fashion is my favorite form of self-expression.

Archives said...

we def can't dress like we're about to hit the runway everyday. i LOVE your comfy loafers!

Jodi said...

I think you couldn't be more right. I don't think that we ever really dress just for ourselves (maybe boys do?). Even as a little girl playing dress up, I dressed for the audience in my imagination. As adults the way we dress could either be a defense or an invitation. That's why I like reading your blog, it inspires me to dress in a way that's more a reflection of who I am (and an invitation to know the real me). I don't have the enthusiasm to really live that out everyday, but it's becoming more of a choice instead of feeling like "I can't wear that today here in this place!" I'm still a jeans and t-shirt girl, but I'm working on mixing it up.

Terri said...

I think I understand your point about non-verbal communication...we prepare a face to meet a face, as T. S. Eliot would say. It's rhetoric. It predetermines what we might "say" further. It's an unspoken code, even on those days we wish to be invisible.

Brianna said...

Dressing is the funnest way of self expression in my eyes and you always dress in a way that says magnificent!

What a lovely note EM sent you!

Louise said...

I agree with your post-- vry well said! May I say that I love that outfit and I want to shamelessly copy it?!?

km. said...

Love your beret. I've bought a million of them lately! Must be the fall weather;)

Katelin xox
collectionsandcreations.blogspot.com

the Citizen Rosebud said...

Pointed thoughts: you know what I liked about your shoes? That you are completely fearless and are willing to go against type. You look classic and still hold interest. A beauty but don't seem to have the need to play up on that all the time.

You look effortlessly wonderful. Pointedly charming.
Even for a Monday.

casual ambiguity said...

absolutely agree! this further makes me wonder about my own knack of vividly remembering what other people and myself were wearing in my recollections of days and events (including my earliest memories also). I don't know, maybe that is totally normal, but my parents have both commented on this trait of mine for years, and I was starting to think that perhaps I've just always been an appraiser of other people's clothes, but following the ideas that you've posited here, maybe it's some subconcious way that I recall the vibe of people I've encountered too. This clothing/memories thing tends to be strongest with people I feel strong emotions (good/bad) towards.

Hrmm. I've re-read this comment and don't think what I've said makes sense but I am going to leave it anyway. Please skim read once only!

On a side note, this outfit reminds me of one that Amanda (off of broadway) was wearing recently, and I have all the same(ish) pieces, and it is just so tempting to give mine a spin. Dang!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for editing my comment,how very sweet of you!

After this intense thinking exerccise I surprised myself rambling & making connections again between the notion of "nature" and dressing. In older posts, you mentioned how, along the past years, you'd learnt to know and respect your limits , to stand up for yourself and say no, which is sometimes hard but vital.Are you with me?
Well, this key time in your life organically gave birth to your blog where you state having no fear of showing your "true" self throughout clothes..is the next step real life, when your "second skin" will not be needed anymore?
If so, thank your intuition: beautiful therapeutical instincts of yours.

And to me, a perfect example of your inner evolution revealed via personal fashion.

I went on thinking... sometimes fashion comes and tells me things I haven't acknowledged about myself yet, i.e: recently I have been wondering how come 10 years back I could never wear high heels and today even when I want to wear/buy a pair of flats I always wind up with(wedge/platform/pumps/you name it) heels, for some reason. Dammit!
This is something I have only noticed but not quite analysed.
Maybe heels are just making me feel closer to who I am (a woman rather than a girl?), maybe they make me feel like I'm on top of the world (hell, do I still need this?)? The idea I like best is that they just remind me of my solitary fancy dressing games in my grandma's attic as a child.
I was loving the perspective that one day those heels would be legit on me! As I observe my daughter speculate on my own shoes now,I'm feeling the freshness of an old dream come true, and I just can't get enough.
To me fashion has a LOT to do with childhood, this is actually why I'm taking it so seriously ;^)

A bientôt,
Em

P.S:Please don't pay attention to frustrated anons, they just blame on your looks their low self-esteem & would actually kill to have your guts.
Send them loving thoughts, they probably need it.

P.P.S:lovely to share - no so - frivolous concerns with likes.

P.P.P.S:I love cucumber sandwiches, why not with smoked tea (one of my faves)?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for editing my comment,how very sweet of you!

After this intense thinking exerccise I surprised myself rambling & making connections again between the notion of "nature" and dressing. In older posts, you mentioned how, along the past years, you'd learnt to know and respect your limits , to stand up for yourself and say no, which is sometimes hard but vital.Are you with me?
Well, this key time in your life organically gave birth to your blog where you state having no fear of showing your "true" self throughout clothes..is the next step real life, when your "second skin" will not be needed anymore?
If so, thank your intuition: beautiful therapeutical instincts of yours.

And to me, a perfect example of your inner evolution revealed via personal fashion.

I went on thinking... sometimes fashion comes and tells me things I haven't acknowledged about myself yet, i.e: recently I have been wondering how come 10 years back I could never wear high heels and today even when I want to wear/buy a pair of flats I always wind up with(wedge/platform/pumps/you name it) heels, for some reason. Dammit!
This is something I have only noticed but not quite analysed.
Maybe heels are just making me feel closer to who I am (a woman rather than a girl?), maybe they make me feel like I'm on top of the world (hell, do I still need this?)? The idea I like best is that they just remind me of my solitary fancy dressing games in my grandma's attic as a child.
I was loving the perspective that one day those heels would be legit on me! As I observe my daughter speculate on my own shoes now,I'm feeling the freshness of an old dream come true, and I just can't get enough.
To me fashion has a LOT to do with childhood, this is actually why I'm taking it so seriously ;^)

A bientôt,
Em

P.S:Please don't pay attention to frustrated anons, they just blame on your looks their low self-esteem & would actually kill to have your guts.
Send them loving thoughts, they probably need it.

P.P.S:lovely to share - no so - frivolous concerns with likes.

P.P.P.S:I love cucumber sandwiches, why not with smoked tea (one of my faves)?

Dip-tea said...

Maybe you and Em can get together and write a conversational book about all things awesome. If a straight from the heart comment and the response can be so awe-inspiring, I am sure the conversations between you guys would be an interesting read.

Love,
Deepti

P.S> I think your shoes are super cute! Something that I would definitely wear. :)

Between Laundry Days said...

I couldn't say it any better. This is truly the essence of why I love getting dressed every day, and why I am fascinated, and now addicted, by the world of fashion blogs.

Ana - Toil and Trouble said...

oh, what a girl crush of mine you are! You look awesome. I found a dress at Savers this weekend that looked (in my mind, at least) like something you would wear and I'm so excited to wear it and try my hand at an outfit inspired by you :o)

You are so right, that is pretty much the essence of style. How you present yourself is the first form of communication you are putting out there for anyone you see or interact with in person, and it sets the tone.

Even people who say they don't care about clothes, fashion or style are making a statement by avoiding so-called "stylish" clothes. I think it's practically impossible not to communicate through clothes.

Miss Millie said...

Hey Christine,

Goofy/lazy as I am I keep on posting anonymous comments even though I find rude any stranger has the possibility to comment your posts without declining their identity.
Fixed.
A bientôt
xxem

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