Wow you guys.
Oh my gosh you guys! I had no idea when I started writing that story that you would respond the way you did. I was so surprised to hear about all the S.s out there and all the similar experience stories. It felt really nice to get all of your feed back. To let you know, it has taken me a really long time to make friends again. I did like a full fledged friend dump after that and only let a few old friends back in. Only just recently have started letting new ones closer than "external status." I think that is really why I got hooked to blogging actually. It allowed me to get to know people slowly through their own experiences and blogs. See what they are about and decide if I was interested in getting closer to them. I have never been a tons of friends type of person. I see relationships as serious business and I would rather have single handful of real, totally jiving, accepts the real me, calls me on my shit, makes me laugh, and hugs me when I cry GENUINE friends than anything else. Don't get me wrong though! I still love people! I have always been a people lover, I just don't let EVERYONE I meet be my bestest and give them everything I have to offer right away. I have learned boundaries. I am more cautious. It's really scary to take risks sometimes and be yourself, your honest and true self with new potential friends. I still worry sometimes that I go too far, that I won't be accepted, that I am too weird, or too boring, or too overzealous, but I communicate a lot better now. Get things cleared up. and I think that is the healthy way to make my way back to real friendships. Communication, honesty, humbleness and humor.
All right! So, this has sort of morphed into this kind of story telling narrative, self reflective, confessional type space, with like personal style photos blended in and I am OK with that. It may not be that way for long. I may want to use this space differently next week even. fine. I know that some of you will come and go. thats ok too. Thank you though to those that are here now and who shared this with me. It was sorta wild to go back to that! At first it was just this like messed up story I was going to tell to amuse you, and its ended up being a kind of finalizing therapy. I really am over this now. wow. I have a smile on my face just to let you know! I hope someone out there got something positive out of it too.
Shirt shoes: urban outfitters