Oh my gosh you guys! I had no idea when I started writing that story that you would respond the way you did. I was so surprised to hear about all the S.s out there and all the similar experience stories. It felt really nice to get all of your feed back. To let you know, it has taken me a really long time to make friends again. I did like a full fledged friend dump after that and only let a few old friends back in. Only just recently have started letting new ones closer than "external status." I think that is really why I got hooked to blogging actually. It allowed me to get to know people slowly through their own experiences and blogs. See what they are about and decide if I was interested in getting closer to them. I have never been a tons of friends type of person. I see relationships as serious business and I would rather have single handful of real, totally jiving, accepts the real me, calls me on my shit, makes me laugh, and hugs me when I cry GENUINE friends than anything else. Don't get me wrong though! I still love people! I have always been a people lover, I just don't let EVERYONE I meet be my bestest and give them everything I have to offer right away. I have learned boundaries. I am more cautious. It's really scary to take risks sometimes and be yourself, your honest and true self with new potential friends. I still worry sometimes that I go too far, that I won't be accepted, that I am too weird, or too boring, or too overzealous, but I communicate a lot better now. Get things cleared up. and I think that is the healthy way to make my way back to real friendships. Communication, honesty, humbleness and humor.
All right! So, this has sort of morphed into this kind of story telling narrative, self reflective, confessional type space, with like personal style photos blended in and I am OK with that. It may not be that way for long. I may want to use this space differently next week even. fine. I know that some of you will come and go. thats ok too. Thank you though to those that are here now and who shared this with me. It was sorta wild to go back to that! At first it was just this like messed up story I was going to tell to amuse you, and its ended up being a kind of finalizing therapy. I really am over this now. wow. I have a smile on my face just to let you know! I hope someone out there got something positive out of it too.
Pants: thrifted
Shirt shoes: urban outfitters
Accessories: thrifted
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25 comments:
that's the style we wanna see in versilia, tuscany. come here and visit the best italian clubs: bussola versilia & capannina
I really enjoyed sharing this story with you. Not because of all of the dramatic and scandalous details (although, they were entertaining) but because I saw a lot of myself in you throughout this experience. "I bottled so much up that I continually made myself sick. I didn't communicate well. I avoided conflict." ME. In a nutshell. Reading this story and hearing about how you came out of it on the other side was awesome and inspiring, and I think that as much as this week has been therapeutic and cathartic for you, it's been the same for many of your readers. Thanks for opening up and sharing something so personal, and helping me realize that my non-confrontational avoidance of all things scary and uncomfortable is changeable :)
i loved your story. and even though i've never had an experience even remotely close to this, i know i can learn through your telling of it so maybe i won't get in this position. because i can see how it would be easy to just give the benefit of the doubt to someone you truly believe is hurting and needs help. but you have to be mindful of who you let into your life and home. so thanks for going through something so crazy and then telling your story so that i can learn from you and don't have to experience it myself! and you look fab in black and white stripes. and those sunglasses?! shut-up! so awesome :)
Thanks so much for sharing this. I often stuggle with the inevitable explosion that occurs after constantly bottling up anger and frustration and hurt feelings. With age I've become more and more brutally frank and as a result I feel as though I'm now percieved by the people around me as much harder than I really am. But I'm a marshmallow. I also worry that I go too far, that I'm too boring, or too aggressive. But your description of the people you choose to keep around you: "a single handful of real, totally jiving, accepts the real me, calls me on my shit, makes me laugh, and hugs me when I cry GENUINE friends", really got to me. I have that. I'm lucky. I'd be a completely different person without it.
You seem pretty awesome. Your totally jiving friends are lucky to have you.
http://idlefascination.blogspot.com/
thank you for being so open! i, too, am a CHRONIC avoider of conflict. to the extreme.
you've inspired me to make a list of some loose ends/issues i need to address and start mending them, so i can feel resolved and move on with my life.
happy to hear you've recovered and were able to turn a very negative situation into having a new, positive outlook.
I really admire you for being able to tell your story; very difficult to do, let alone to a wide audience, good on you!
Liberating and inspiring to many I'm sure, myself included.
Love those trousers btw, look great on you.
www.purelovefashionn.blogspot.com xx
You are lovely. And this look is amazing. You always dress in such a unique, stylish, and utterly cool manner. Suffice to say, adore your pants.
And I am very glad to be your virtual friend. I am sure you would find me perfectly acceptable and friendable in real life too (and I you). I think we have the exact same philosophy on friendship. Also, I just think you're fantastic.
Its nice to get things like that out of just your own head.... Like you said, you're over it.
Crazy pants! Love the way you're rockin' them.
I think sadly its impossible to be a kind human being and NOT get burned. I had a major falling out this year with a girl who I know I revealed too many of my weakness to early on in our friendship. I've been much more cautious since at letting people in and sharing secrets. I'm by no means a misanthrope now, but I'm more wary.
i love your outfits, so use the space in whatever fashion you want to! you're a wonderful writer, so it is always a good read! :)
katie
Thanks for trusting your audience enough to share :)
Love the stripes paired with golden yellow pants!
Sally
http://ursaminor-sally.blogspot.com/
AMAZING PANTS!!!! love it! you look great!
And thanks for share your story, there's much to learn about it.
Kisess!
i love this look! it's great and fresh and chic!
Love love love mustard in the fall!
http://daswhatshesaid.blogspot.com
you look SO good. ALL the time!! argh!
hello,
i dont have a blog myself but i love browsing the fashion blogs out there. yours is always a favorite...your eye for color and texture is impeccable. i felt compelled after reading your "bad friend" story to submit a comment for the first time. we all know what it's like and i'm so sorry it went down for you like that, so horrifically.
people love what you do and who you are, keep keepin on, god bless.
I like those yellow pants. And I like your stories. And I like you. Glad you and your family made it through that crazy mess. Thanks for telling all of us the story.
xo
I love these pants. I also really need to buy a striped shirt. I'm seeing them everywhere.
First off, love the pants. Second, I find it so wierd to hear you explain your feelings about friendship. I would say the same things about myself, but I never hear that from other women. Thanks for saying it. I don't feel quite so odd!
Thankyou so much for your honesty. Ditto other girls' comments about how you've summed up so perfectly how most of us feel about our friendships, but don't always have the right words to describe. I also have "external" friends, but you have picked exactly the right word for it, thankyou!
And your outfit is gorgeous!
awwww!! the mustard pants is justt fantasticc!!:))
xoxo
you look so cool here, there is no other words to describe it but that. cool cool cool. yikes.
i am not a 'lots of friends' person either, i have had lots of bad experiences (although comparably to say yours, pretty minor really) but it has put me off bothering, which can be a really bad attitude i know... i'm working on it.
I love these photos!
We're having autumn rain here and they bring the sun back to my kitchen. Thanks again!
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Very enlighting. I have a similar ex girlfriend story as well and i had to end that relationship myself. I, too, have found myself very timid when it comes to making friends again. I am scared and nervous that I will get back into that obligatory friendship where I feel like I have to fix that person. I am catching this story a long time after you wrote it but I am glad I did. Thanks
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