4.4.11

washy.

I am tired of feeling wishy-washy and flaky. It's not good for me to think of myself that way. Too judgmental.  I mean, during spring time when its 80 degrees one day, windy the next and then snowing on the day after that, we don't say, "Whoa, this weather is acting so wishy-washy and flaky lately. It really needs to get some self discipline, put its nose to the grindstone, and decide what it wants to do." (or whatever we say about people who change their moods and minds frequently.) I think instead we just check the weather reports or take a look out the window and decide what tools we will need to be comfortable on any given day. I know that the weather is controlled by pressure and the earth's rotation and orientation to the sun and all of that cosmic stuff, and I think that I am effected by certain forces too. Things I may have little control over.  I know I should be able to override certain environmental variables, but I have come to realize that instead of my brain being wishy-washy or fickle or weak, it is just the opposite, I am giving it too much power over me. 

Consider this for a sec: I have observed that the earth is very submissive. It just IS. It allows it's surface to change, it's water to rise and fall and shape its dirt, it's air to move and swirl, it's crust to press together and crumble under the pressure, or separate and create chasms. The sun shines on it relentlessly in one place or another. The earth is turned and spun by unseen forces, and it does not resist. It is in a constant state of decay and growth, not trying to hurry either process, in fact, it is perfectly accepting of all of this happening.  It just is. And that is VERY POWERFUL in my opinion.

So, where am I going with this? In yoga this week we are working on grounding ourselves. Feeling the earth's support and appreciating it, rooting in so that we may plant seeds of action and change. My instructor said that if I have lots and lots of ideas but have trouble bringing them to fruition that I may need more grounding, that I may be spending too much time in my head, (not tending to my seeds, or in some cases, even planting them.) This confused me for a minute because I actually considered myself a pretty grounded person (there goes my brain), but when I think about the nature of the earth and how I am a creature on its surface, then feeling blown around and whishy-washy would signify to me that I don't have my feet firmly planted. I get whisked away from my projects too easily, and forget where I have set them down. I don't bend like a rooted tree that keeps it's integrity, I roll like a tumble weed going wherever I am blown. Especially in the spring time.

Do I want to root? Yes. To begin to root then, I need to go inside and see what's going on. If I think of my body as an earth, then my brain is the chaos that swirls all around and causes a ruckus. I need to find my calm center. Submit to external forces, but keep my feet firmly planted. Realize that while the brain's signals can feel powerful, the strength lies in the still core that allows the chaos to merely massage it's surface. We are bringing a lot of muscular awareness to our postures this week, holding the postures for longer and observing our tendencies. Working through the storms of the brain. Finding the calm center. The thing is, I am a perpetually calm person so this is a bit of a tricky balancing act. A polar shift. Calm the brain and activate the body by holding still in postures for longer. Hmm.

On a fashion related note, these pants are a bit of ordered chaos. They are vintage. I have had them for a couple of years now but lacked the confidence to just go with them. Sometimes it takes the right season, in this case SS11, to finally take a leap.

29 comments:

rainbows & fairydust said...

those trousers are flippin AMAZING!!!!

love love love!! xx

Steffys Pros and Cons said...

yay youre back! love those pants, they are such a cute pattern!


<3 steffy
Steffys Pros and Cons

Taylor B. said...

The leap was worth it! Those pants look great on you.

Hugs and Fishes said...

your desciption of the earth "JUST is" was poetic, I am stealing it, and copying it, and using it to remind myself when my controlling nature takes over to be more like the earth ;) thanks for sharing!

casual ambiguity said...

Hi! I always love reading your posts, they give me something to think about while I eat my breakfast. My ideas never come to fruition either, hmmm... and yes, I do never really plant the seeds. HMMM.

Anyway, hope that you are otherwise well! And wow, your hair is BLONDE!

Lindsey Turner said...

Wow! You make those pants look so cool!

Alyson said...

C, Have I ever told you about my tattoo? I think I have. My tattoo is a constant reminder to be. (no really it just says be.) You kind of just gave me an epiphany. My whole year without shopping was almost like a year of grounding. I went through some tough SHIT and in a lot of ways, I kicked and screamed my way through it.

It allowed me to experience change in one of the most dynamic ways possible. The other day we worked on grounding and feet work (and also talking about letting the earth support us and letting the ground do its job). We give the earth purpose when we lay, step, sit, place whatever we want upon it. Just like us, it won't always do what we want it to do. It will fill with water, it will shake things up, it will get cold and flaky. By grounding ourselves, we are letting the earth serve its purpose.

Louise said...

What you said about the earth-- YES. I want to be like the earth. Thanks for the awesome analogy!

In other news, wear those pants everyday. You look that awesome!

The Bohemienne said...

Those pants are fabulous!!

http://thebohemienne.wordpress.com/

Charles said...

those are some pants! amazing :)
xx

http://charlesbgoode.blogspot.com

amanda said...

i've always wished we lived closer but never so much as i do right now. i'd love to chat with you about this topic (while you're wearing these pants, by the way) over tea/coffee. i'd love to just hang out and discuss stuff. i miss you :)

lindsey lowe said...

love this outfit!! the pants are too cute. so much character.

Lara said...

I understand completely about being grounded. I have studied yoga and meditation for about 14 years and my biggest problem was always finding a way to truly ground myself. We think of it as such a simple thing to accomplish but, in reality it isn't. I had a yogi tell me once that the second you consider yourself ground and at ease, you fail to be so because to truly be grounded means that you don't have to consider it at all. Clearly a deep argument but, also, very simplistic. There are many times during my day when I flake off into my little world in my head and I have to remind myself to come back down to earth. To be grounded is to just be but not to think to be...its a vicious circle. haha!

Jo said...

Those pants are excellent! I love love love the 70s comeback!

x
www.lostinthehaze.com

Terri said...

How good to see you! And you don't know how much courage you've just given me to maintain my color challenge for the month! Do you plant a garden? Perhaps it would help to get one's hands dirty...

duckalicious said...

I really like what you wrote since I've been experiencing similar feelings and came to the same conclusion - you worded it very well (the need to "go inside" and "find my calm center"). I stumbled upon transcendental meditation recently so I decied to try it. can't wait to start the course!

http://www.duckalicious.com

Anna said...

yes, love the pants!!!
www.ThisIsAYes.com

Juanette said...

those pants made me SMILE, I heart them!

Corks + Caftans said...

beautiful writing, excellent point, powerful words---that I dearly needed to hear.

xx
C

merl said...

mama.. you are brilliant & achingly poetic. I've been thinking about you a lot lately which is ironic considering you are voicing my exact conundrum. Except I'm not a calm person ;) I feel like I have so much to say and relate and discuss about this, but when I read back through your words I'm lost in the ideas and symbolism and it's even more apparent that I'm 10 feet above ground, not even close to touching my feet let along setting down roots. It's like I'm floating and I can't grab anything anchored to yank myself back down. The more I think about it, the more frantic my struggle becomes until I'm overwhelmed and just give up, resigned to floating for awhile longer. I wish they sold soul weights cuz I'd buy about 10 right now.

I need you to live closer to me. San Fran is a real possibility for me at this point.. just throwing that out there. Miss you mama xxxo

[ps: the pants? pycha fucking delic. I like.]

TavoLini said...

Don't discount the way you plant--on however many levels. You live in the desert.

I think you would find some catharsis in kudzu, especially as its flowering and smelling quite sweet :) Want me to send you some?

TavoLini said...

btw, I love what you said about weather. I just don't want you to feel like you have to "ground" yourself. That's why kudzu is so awesome, if you can somehow contain it.

Sydney said...

Yes, yes, yes to every poetic word you said...and to all the words the beautiful commenters said! Grounding is so hard, and I've yet to accomplish it myself. Just focusing on it little by little is a practice of grounding in and of itself. Oh gosh, breathing means everything. Good luck with the new poses. I too find that spending a little extra time on a yoga pose can mean a world of difference. And fabulous, reckless, wild pants!

Evelynne said...

I am SO IN LOVE with those pants!! I'm so glad you decided to wear them!! Everytime I look at them I smile. :)

AMW said...

whoa, I totally needed that right now! thank you for being so open with your thoughts and feelings, and so eloquent with your words.

on another note, those pants are amazing. nothing cheers up a day like orange pants :)

abinavarrete said...

nice pattern on your pants!

abinavarrete.blogspot.com

Lindsay said...

WOW! This outfit is amazing! The pants are so bright and perfect for spring.. Great bag too

Lagelle said...

those pants just outstanding, wishing I had a pair! luv the out pour of ur inner thoughts ;-)


www.lagelle.com

fashionwave said...

those pants, OMG! i could peruse your blog ALL DAY!

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