washy.

I am tired of feeling wishy-washy and flaky. It's not good for me to think of myself that way. Too judgmental.  I mean, during spring time when its 80 degrees one day, windy the next and then snowing on the day after that, we don't say, "Whoa, this weather is acting so wishy-washy and flaky lately. It really needs to get some self discipline, put its nose to the grindstone, and decide what it wants to do." (or whatever we say about people who change their moods and minds frequently.) I think instead we just check the weather reports or take a look out the window and decide what tools we will need to be comfortable on any given day. I know that the weather is controlled by pressure and the earth's rotation and orientation to the sun and all of that cosmic stuff, and I think that I am effected by certain forces too. Things I may have little control over.  I know I should be able to override certain environmental variables, but I have come to realize that instead of my brain being wishy-washy or fickle or weak, it is just the opposite, I am giving it too much power over me. 

Consider this for a sec: I have observed that the earth is very submissive. It just IS. It allows it's surface to change, it's water to rise and fall and shape its dirt, it's air to move and swirl, it's crust to press together and crumble under the pressure, or separate and create chasms. The sun shines on it relentlessly in one place or another. The earth is turned and spun by unseen forces, and it does not resist. It is in a constant state of decay and growth, not trying to hurry either process, in fact, it is perfectly accepting of all of this happening.  It just is. And that is VERY POWERFUL in my opinion.

So, where am I going with this? In yoga this week we are working on grounding ourselves. Feeling the earth's support and appreciating it, rooting in so that we may plant seeds of action and change. My instructor said that if I have lots and lots of ideas but have trouble bringing them to fruition that I may need more grounding, that I may be spending too much time in my head, (not tending to my seeds, or in some cases, even planting them.) This confused me for a minute because I actually considered myself a pretty grounded person (there goes my brain), but when I think about the nature of the earth and how I am a creature on its surface, then feeling blown around and whishy-washy would signify to me that I don't have my feet firmly planted. I get whisked away from my projects too easily, and forget where I have set them down. I don't bend like a rooted tree that keeps it's integrity, I roll like a tumble weed going wherever I am blown. Especially in the spring time.

Do I want to root? Yes. To begin to root then, I need to go inside and see what's going on. If I think of my body as an earth, then my brain is the chaos that swirls all around and causes a ruckus. I need to find my calm center. Submit to external forces, but keep my feet firmly planted. Realize that while the brain's signals can feel powerful, the strength lies in the still core that allows the chaos to merely massage it's surface. We are bringing a lot of muscular awareness to our postures this week, holding the postures for longer and observing our tendencies. Working through the storms of the brain. Finding the calm center. The thing is, I am a perpetually calm person so this is a bit of a tricky balancing act. A polar shift. Calm the brain and activate the body by holding still in postures for longer. Hmm.

On a fashion related note, these pants are a bit of ordered chaos. They are vintage. I have had them for a couple of years now but lacked the confidence to just go with them. Sometimes it takes the right season, in this case SS11, to finally take a leap.