a private conversation

First let me assure you that I am perfectly happy, very contented, just contemplative. I do what to include an excerpt from an email conversation I had this morning though to let you know where I am at right now.  Also, it sort of acts as a little informal interview with Sarah about her drives for blogging and how a blog affects different aspects of a bloggers life.

"Hi Christina! It's Sarah from The Lipstick List. I just launched my new freelance website (SarahAnnNoel.com) and my style blog is actually feeding through that now! I'm really pumped about it, but it's going to make The Lipstick List look inactive soon which has unfortunately been confusing to my readers! Do you mind updating your Blog Roll to my website instead of the Lipstick List? I'd appreciate it sooo much!

Hope you're well!
Sarah"


"Sarah,

I absolutely will.  I got your comment last week and I apologize for not taking the time to update my blog roll sooner.  I have been a little conflicted about keeping my blog recently.  Due to my thoughts I have been a bit distant from the more social aspects of blogging.  I got so addicted to it all, browsing blogs and whatnot, and so for the last month or so I have been really weighing the time and energy spent.  I feel a little guilty just maintaining my personal pages and not interacting with everyone else.  But time in my life is so limited right now.  I don't know.  Sorry to even be laying this on you!  You are so sweet and beautiful! I think it is great that you have launched your own website!  It must be so nice to manage everything from one place.  So funny, but the same time I have been thinking of quitting blogging and the shop, I have also been thinking of consolidating (my shop and my blog into one site) and expanding (everything, committing to it full time).  It would mean quitting some of the things I am doing in my non internet life, though I feel right now I am so stretched I am not really doing anything very well.  Was going to your own independent website difficult? 

I hope this makes sense.  I am just on the ledge of transition and I think I tend to withdrawal a bit when I am about to make big decisions.  I wish I could just do a little bit of everything you know! I am sorry! you don't even know me that well!  This is so weird! Ahhhhhhh. In any case, congratulations on your own site and I will add it to my blog roll and remove the lipstick list.  Take care! 

Christina"

"Christina,

I love that you just sent me that email, because I've been struggling with a lot of the same. I first started blogging on my writing blog (sarahnoelsmusings.blogspot.com) and networked with aspiring authors and the like. That was the goal--become a full-time freelance writer.

But I've always been interested in fashion and style, and there are so many fashion blogs I read; I though, "I can do that." That's why I started the Lipstick List. But I did it under a different site and a different name because I felt the need to remain more anonymous and compartmentalized.

Then I realized, "I'm not being all of me." Is sounds silly, maybe, but the website was a huge step for me in putting "all of my pieces together" and publicly being the holistic me. You know what? It wasn't hard at all. I have a computer genius friend, of course, who helped me, but after he assisted me with the steps, I'm confident I could do it all over again. I'm happy to help you if you like! You've been so sweet to me, and I love the email chats we've had about why we blog and the community and what not.

I'm still sorting out what my goals are. If I could blog full time, that would be awesome. I'm eventually opening an Etsy shop, and just can't seem to find the time at the moment. I have a full-time job at a non-profit right now, so sometimes I can get sucked into internet world and forget that I have a real person life, job, etc. Consolidating helped that--I made a life/style blog so I can talk about my real life and display outfits, etc. And besides that, I'm trying to market myself as a writer.

I think when you're a creative person, finding an outlet is never a problem. It's just deciding which one to use! And I have this horrible fear of becoming too self-absorbed in the midst of it all, so much so that I forget that I should be using my energy to help people and make a difference--like at my non-profit job.

It's a tough thing and I'm right there with you! Probably I'll keep experimenting with different ways to do things, but in the meantime, the website is working best for me now. Let me know if I can help you with any of it!
Sarah"

So, this is what has been going through my head!  It doesn't feel like an emergency or anything like that, just a contemplation.  Things are a bit unsteady still at the clinic and I would love to just focus full time on my own independent website.  Or maybe not.  Maybe I'll explore Non internet things for a while and just let it go.  Either way, I know choices are not set in stone forever.  Change is good to consider sometimes.  Either way, I feel optimistic.  I just want to jump into something with both feet you know. Dedicate myself and put passion toward it. 

My outfit today is all vintage except for the scarf from American Apparel.  The play suit reminds me of Pretty Woman at the horse races!  This jacket was a gift from my friend Victorina!  Its in a soft wool but looks like a structured blazer!  LOVE it so much!